I mechanically sipped my tea as my college consultant examined one of my essays. It was 6 A.M., and I hadn't slept the night before. I couldn't stop regurgitating regrets -dear Lord, why so many errors, grammatical errors? why did I wait until the day before deadline? Then he broke silence. With his shrewd and sardonic sense of humor and my essay full of red marks, he said: "so, you speak four languages, but none perfectly?" The essay was about how different languages affected me (the first draft is somewhere in this blog).
He was...right. Well, not exactly. My Korean is perfect. My English isn't. Two years ago, one of my many Japanese teachers - he also boasted sardonic wits - told me that unless you go to a country and live there before you turn 14, you will never become its perfect native speaker. I told him that I came to the US when I was 15. He rolled his eyes. He told me that he wasn’t sure.
I'm not sure if I would ever be a perfect English speaker. I'm comfortable where I am. But then the thought that my English isn't perfect irritates me time to time. I am reminded of the fact when I make mistakes - the thought that I still have to 'learn' English embarasses me. I supposed I will never get over it, as long as I stay somewhere between being fluent and being a native speaker.
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This is a late response. Very late. I have three thoughts.
ReplyDeletePOINT 1: I've been an English teacher for roughly 4 years, and I'm still learning English. I've written ESL textbooks, and I'm still learning grammar. I scored very high on the GRE, and I'm still learning vocabulary. So don't be too alarmed that you're still working on this crazy language.
POINT 2: Your English is great. Seriously. While probably true that you don't use English 100% correctly (see point #1), remember that those words are coming from someone who is highly educated and works at a top university. This person is probably great to learn from, but don't be too concerned about your language ability since his/her standard is probably higher than 99.5% of the population.
POINT 3: Native speakers and writers of English frequently make mistakes. Charissa and I often find errors in letters, church bulletins, magazines and even TV commercials.
POINT 4 (BONUS): Taking classes from Bryan gives you a bonus year, so it's like you came at age 14!