I thought that things will be less murky and more predictable when I grow up.
I have grown up - I can drink and drive and watch rated-R movies with my parents an ocean away - but things look murkier than ever. My future lies in the land of unpredictability. I think. I plan. I do everything to do what I think is right. But the accomplishment is not at my discretion – it is at God’s. But His thoughts and His plans for me exist beyond my mortal comprehension. It reminds me of Maira Kalman’s column, ‘the Principles of Uncertainty.’ Yes, the principle.
One certain thing about my life and its whereabouts is its uncertainty.
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ah narae, i was out of the blog world for awhile, but only out of laziness. ^^ life really never gets predictable. but i've found more and more that it's nice to have a plan anyway. it gives me a sense of peace. with a plan i feel more comfortable to be spontaneous because if things go wrong, there's still a plan to fall back on. or maybe i just always fall back on God...and sometimes leap towards Him...maybe it's all the same thing.
ReplyDeletehey =)
ReplyDeletefalling back on God sounds good. and yes, i should try best to make plans and hope for the best...
I have been in this mindset many times, and I completely understand
ReplyDeletethis unpredictability that you speak of. What I like to call it is powerlessness
over the unknown. I have had such seemingly wonderful
plans for my life, but suddenly the shattered pieces of those
self-made plans are obstacles to life itself. I have a wise person
in my life that has told me more than once, that she did what she believed was the
next right thing to do, and trusted God to stop her when it wasn't.
On a bad day the main problem that I keep running into is myself,
and on a good day it feels as if I haven't a clue as to what I am
going to do next. It becomes one moment at a time, where each fill up one day at a time, while I am accomplishing the things that I
have been needing... no... WANTING to do for the LONGEST time... FIRST.
As each day becomes an overcoming event in the face of the "fear of the unknown" through Faith in God.